This week I was offered a part time job up at my Aunt & Uncles place in Tahoe. It seemed the perfect opportunity for me. It was only three days a week, it is only for the summer and the amount that I would be making would pay the rest of our deductible from R's surgery. It seemed like a gift from God. So hubby and I prayed about it. My prayers were all about how perfect it would be for us and how it would help us and relieve some of the stress we have right now because of this economy. I was also very excited at the the thought of working again and doing what I would be doing. It was very hard for me to end my prayers with "But Thy will be done". I would always add something like "but it seems like it is from You". We were praying about where the kids would go. The answers we got just seemed incomplete. My in laws were more than happy to have the kids for two days a week but what about that third day? We had options like my Aunt who is always letting me know that she would love to watch the kids or our friend who is a teacher and has the summer off..but we struggled with the fact that it would be every week for more than 9 hours that day. That's a long day. So last night I called said friend and didn't hear back from her after she talked to her husband.(A blessing in disguise) So as much as I wanted to call her back to find out the verdict and then call my Aunt & Uncle to let them know our decision..I didn't. That small voice (Holy Spirit) was whispering to me to "Be still and know that I am God". He would give me the right decision at the right time.
You see I have a hard time waiting on decisions. I like to know what is going to happen..I like to plan, to the best of my ability, and know what lies ahead. I have a hard time waiting. Well I did wait. I had a hard time falling asleep and I just talked with God. Back and forth...the pros and the cons. I was finally able to fall asleep with my last thought being...Thy will Lord. I woke up still feeling all jumbled inside about this decision. I went for a walk with Sally in the hills and I was reminded of some of the plans I had for this summer...told you I liked to plan. I am working on being healthy and treating my body the way it was designed to be treated. So I have been thinking about how I would incorporate my kids into that this summer..bike rides, walks, tennis..things like that. Well if I worked three days a week when would we do that? For eight years I have taken my kids up to Tahoe on Tuesdays and I don't want to give that up. They look forward to it just as much as I do. If we go camping and stay an extra day when would I clean the camper let alone do the mountains of laundry that comes from camping. (I think it mutates when we are gone) OK so I just make it work. I do all this stuff in the evening or in between running here and there. Of yeah I forgot about cleaning the house. I mean I know I don't like to do it and I put it off as often as I can (I should be cleaning toilets right now) but can I really put it off for a whole summer?? Yuk!
Sometimes when it seems like God is giving you a half answer it really isn't. So without another thought or delay I called my Aunt & Uncle and let them know what our decision was. It was very sad for me because I was looking forward to the opportunity and yet it just wasn't Gods timing and His timing is ALWAYS perfect. I do feel that I look towards God when making most decisions (working on changing this to every decision) but I do struggle with waiting for His answers. Sometimes it works out perfect and other times He makes it work anyway. (With some bumps and bruises along the way when I rush ahead of Him.) This my friends is what I am going to work on...Asking and then WAITING.
He promises to answer but He doesn't promise to answer right away. I mean just look at Joseph. He was sold into slavery and had a very bumpy life for the next 22 years until he saw his family again and was able to save them, the family line of Jesus, from the famine. Yet never did he think his God had forsaken or forgotten him. He just stayed faithful and gave all things to God in prayer. He waited for God to do what He intended to do. And what did he do while he waited?? He made the most out of where he was. He became Potifars right hand man, overseer of his house and all that he owned. He stayed faithful by not sleeping with his master wife and was thrown into jail because of it. Then in jail he was given charge over all the prisoners. He listened to and gave Gods interpretation of their dreams to the Chief cupbearer and Chief baker of Pharaoh. Then when he asked the Cupbearer to remember him to Pharaoh, and was forgotten, he continued in his current roll. It took the cupbearer two years to remember Joseph (God's timing). Then he was put in charge of all the grain in Egypt to prepare for the upcoming famine and the distribution of grain and food once it hit. 22 years. That seems like along time to me. I can't imagine how long it must have felt for Joseph and yet he stayed faithful and waited on the LORD for His timing. (Genesis is a really good book to study) The LORDS timing is always the best timing. God tells us "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him" James 1:5. But we must also wait for His answers.."Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary" Isaiah 40:31.
Waiting..a hard thing for me but something that He wants me to do. My new goal..
ask and then Wait.
